Committing in Cupertino
On the Snoo, cosleeping, and benefits of quick decision-making
I didn’t have the chance to knock — the front door swung open and I found a tall woman in yellow loungewear beaming down at me. She was panting.
“Thank god, I needed you here like yesterday!” She handed her baby to her partner and gave me a bear hug.
I intentionally bring calm, quiet energy to house calls. But I also love to follow the client’s lead. In this case, Abby1 had a big, joyful energy, and it was contagious.
We stood in the entryway for a few minutes, getting to know one another. Abby and her partner were in their mid-30s and relatively new to the Bay Area. They told me all about their wiggle-worm five month old, who never took to the Snoo they rented. They’ve been bedsharing for most of her life.
After Abby made me a latte with their Nespresso machine – which is not expected, but very much appreciated – we made our way to the guest room.
Her partner, trailing with the baby, said the room had been completely overhauled. “It used to be where my brother stayed every-other week, when he was in town for work. But after we ditched the Snoo, we took out all the furniture and made it our family bedroom.”
I shot him a look over my shoulder.
“Don’t worry!” He laughed, “My bro is totally fine sleeping on the couch.”
The house was “lived-in” or “well-loved,” which is how I say messy. Absolutely all of the houses I visit are!
It probably looks a lot like your house at the moment. Piles of shoes and umbrellas near the front door, an overflowing laundry basket on the couch, and a new pack of diapers on the coffee table.
We turned a corner and entered the guest room. It was bare except for a queen-sized mattress in the corner, placed directly on the floor.
Next to the mattress, there was a heap of Real Simple magazines, a lip mask and hand moisturizer tube, an empty cup, and a phone charger.
“When we realized that the Snoo wasn’t going to save the day, it didn’t take long to commit to cosleeping,” Abby said.
“We are both really decisive, and we hate wasting time. So it made sense to immediately empty out this spare room and devote it to cosleeping.”
I remarked that most of my clients go back and forth for weeks or months before they commit.
“Sure, it’s not what we envisioned. We both have intense jobs and we need our sleep,” her partner said. “And Abby is going back to work next month.”
“But!” Abby interjected, “I am not worried about it. I get a ton of sleep this way. Yes, I wake up throughout the night to nurse or reposition or go to the bathroom. But overall, if I lie down by 9pm, I feel rested in the morning.”
She shared how her neighborhood friends are relying on smart bassinets like the Snoo, sleep training programs, or night nurses to survive.
“I’m so happy that we are doing this. It’s not always easy. But look at what our friends are going through right now – life is not easy for them, either!”
Abby ushered me out of the room and towards the backyard, for our deep dive. She took the baby from her partner and said, “I know I’ll look back on this chapter and know that sleeping together was the right decision.”
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Abby’s 3 favorite cosleeping tools:
☁️ Sleeping with this lightweight, cotton blanket on her lower half keeps her warm enough during the Bay Area winter
🙌 This firm mattress is so firm, she has zero anxiety about her baby’s safety
📖 This e-reader helps her wind down and fall asleep by 9pm
A few new tools I gave her following our day together:
🧰 A see-through organizer in lieu of a “floor pile” beside her mattress
💦 A super-soft waterproof mattress protector to work against baby’s frequent diaper leaks
🐻 My Bedsharing Bundle for her to reference in the middle of the night, if need be
Tiffany Belanger is a forthcoming author, speaker, and founder of Cosleepy.com — the one-stop shop for practical, research-backed advice on safe bedsharing. She is frequently interviewed by the media as an expert and representative of the educated, Millennial parent who has decided to go against the standard advice. She lives and cosleeps with her husband and two little boys in northern California.
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Names and identifying information have been changed. Story shared with permission.